The art of entertaining guests- of being a good host- is of particular importance in one’s life. “ThiruValluvar”[30 B.C.] the poet-saint of Tamilnadu, has earmarked a full chapter of 10 couplets know as “Virundombal”in his magnum opus “Thirukural”. In the Upanishad also there is a dictum “Athithi Devo Bhava”- guest are none but GOD. Thus is the importance of honouring guests.

First and foremost, we must make it a point to invite all friends/acquaintances to our home. This may not be feasible, in the American/European Context where people are extremely busy. But in India it is still practicable, as courtesy/social calls have, though decreased, not become a thing of the past. This has dual benefits- one, by inviting our work-place colleagues, we are giving a chance for familial friendships to develop. Secondly, relationships between respective male/female members only, do not tick in the long run. Because it amounts to half-friendship. Men may be office colleagues. Wives do not get to know each other and so do the children. And whenever a request is made to someone to pay a visit, it must be sincere and earnest (from the requestor’s side) and the requestee must make efforts to accede to the request. But, in the present-day world, where hypocrisy rules, invitation is only a lip service and consequently is very often ignored.

Once the guests do come on a visit, the duration (may be for hours or days) of their stay must be made memorable. They must be made to feel absolutely at home. This is a tightrope-balancing act. If one is very formal, the guest may take it for coldness. Again being totally informal invites the wrath of the visitors in some cases. Attention must be paid to the guest’s nature and a suitable approach is to be made. If the visitor is free and sociable, one need not go out of the way to entertain them. They themselves will take liberties. If they happen to be slightly reserved, the host must make them open up by being extra courteous.

Every minute detail needs attention. Their onward and return journey details must be checked and rechecked. If arrangements for return journey are the host’s responsibility, they must be made well in advance. Similarly they must be received properly and courteously. They must be made to feel special right at the outset. Once they are in, they must be given a warm sense of belonging all along. Their individual habits and personal tastes must be enquired (discreetly) and must be taken care of. Every individual has a particular way of using the toilet, of bathing, of washing or drying his clothes, of dressing, of praying, of eating and of sleeping. They must be accommodated without causing any undue difficulty to other family-members. This brings about a certain kind of wantedness, which would gladden the heart of every guest. Like some friends may like to sleep, with the fan on, even during winters. Most friends expect their favourite channels, which they watch at home, to be the favourite of the guests’ also. This is seldom the case and generally, hosts’ must be willing to sacrifie. As hosts, one must try to fulfill as much of the guest’s preferences. Here, of course, the responsibility is dual. Only a good host can be a good guest. Just as the host takes pain to make the guests’ feel at home, the guest must not carry too much of excess baggage (their personal preferences) when on a visit. They must be satisfied with makeshift arrangements and must not express displeasure.

During the guests’ stay, particular attention must be paid to the foodstuffs and the timings of intake. Most guests, at least in the Indian context, are not exactly free and exhibit shyness. The host must feed them properly and timely with tasty and delicious preparations of their liking. It is not said for nothing that “THE EASIEST WAY TO A MAN’S HEART IS THROUGH HIS STOMACH”. Most people fail in this respect. A typical case would be- all the household members of the host family, along with the guests, might have gone on a sightseeing trip. Due care must be taken to arrange for some refreshments immediately on the return from the trip. Very often the guests would be tired and hungry so as the hosts. For the sake of courtesy, they would suppress the true feelings. The hosts, on their part, in spite of being dead tired, would start some preparations immediately on entering the house. A little forethought would suffice. It might be a good idea to keep some refreshments ready along with some cold/hot drinks, to be served immediately on return. Little inconvenience her and there like change in the bathing and sleep schedules must not be taken seriously by the members of the hold household.

A couple of sightseeing trips should be planned. Due care must be given to the stature of the visitor. Normally one may travel by bus. But when a visitor is paying a visit, may be private conveyance, even it means shelling out additionally, must be arranged. Because traveling in comfort is very important. It may be our practice to walk short-distances - to the nearby park, or to the local temple or to some friend’s place close-by. We should not assume that the guests would also be comfortable doing this. We must, enquire from them politely whether it would be all right for them to walk down and if not suitable conveyance must be arranged for.

As a part of bidding farewell, it is customary for the hosts to give some token gift to the hosts. This is again a very sentimental issue. It must be in keeping with stature of the guest. And then it must be given sincerely as a mark of gratefulness for having taken the trouble of coming. The guests on their part must not be very fussy, flatly refusing anything given, and must pay heed to the sentiments of the giver. They must be seen off with extreme politeness and courtesy. The farewell part is so important, that it is the decider- the ‘do’ or ‘die’ factor in the issue. If the farewell were touching, every guest would want to make a retrip. On the contrary, should something untoward happen towards the end, the whole show is spoiled and only the sour incident remains in the mind. So, a word of caution, here. Also, one must not speak evil of the guests; whatever might have been the occurrences.

One might wonder, why a piece must be written on the importance of the entertaining guests. In the “Thirukurral” referred above, there is a beautiful simile brought out by the author. He says that amongst flowers, there is a particular type [‘Anicha malar’], which closes it’s petals, should some one standing near the flower, exhales – it is so sensitive to a whiff of air. But the guests are even more sensitive. A mere glint of unwantedness in the eyes of the hosts’ will make the guests squirm in discomfort. Such is their sensitivity level and hence is the importance of entertaining guests.

To drawn a spiritual example- there is an example in the life of Adi Shankara. When he would visit Mandana Mishra, a great and eloquent scholar, in order to vanquish him, the later would be preparing to perform his father’s oblations, which is considered very sacred. After the initial, sarcastic introductions and war of words, Mandana Mishra, would realize his mistake and greatness of his visitor and would offer him “bhiksha” and entertain him first. Thus it is clear that entertaining guests take precedence over every other human duty.

Then there is a more interesting example in “Mahabharata”. After the war, Yudhistra would be performing a “Rajasooya Yagya” to make amends for all the sins and unwarranted happenings. As part of the yagya, every visitor to the Royal Court would be gifted, as it was believed to bring ‘punya’ to the king. A strange-looking mongoose came on a visit. One half of its body was glittering gold and the other was normal like any other mongoose. It enquired about the cause for the wealth distribution. On being told, it went into to the Yagyasala and rolled over the ground. It came back and proclaimed that the punya, though substantial, was not of the highest order. It came up with the reason and an interesting story thereof. Four poor members of a Brahmin family were once starving. The old man managed to get some alms. Just as the family sat to divide it amongst themselves, there was a knock on the door. There was an even poorer man, in hunger, seeking alms. Unhesitatingly, the daughter-in-law was the first one to forego her share; the hungry visitor was not satisfied, whereupon the son and his mother and finally the father, all sacrificed their respective shares to satiate the hunger of the visitor. As it transpired the visitor was none other than “Dharma Devada” or the God of Justice himself. The squirrel chanced to roll over its body, on the remaining grains that lay on the floor, of the noble-hearted Brahmins’ hut, which transformed one half of its body into hold. Since that day it’s efforts to get the other half also changed into gold, has met with unsuccessful results- meaning that so noble a deed was yet to be performed. Such is the glory of entertaining guests properly.

India has a rich tradition of inviting guests from far and near places since time immemorial. Chinese scholars like Fa-Hien and HiuanTsang visited Nalanda University, which was a high seat of learning during the 7-9 centuries. Every community has found a home, away from home, in this soil. According to a release from the Israel consulate, Jews were persecuted in 107 out of 108 countries where they existed. India is the only country where they were accommodated ever so lovingly. Let us rekindle this spirit of entreating guests, and let us make every visitor to this country happy and comfortable. Let the unruly practice of harassing foreign tourists, of molesting and passing lewd remarks at him or her and terming every one of them as a spy/sex-agent/drug-peddler be stopped forthwith. Let India sprinkle its fountain water of refined etiquette the world over.